Oh right, like I'm the only one who noticed this.

Jennifer Lopez is known more for her big booty than she is for her singing and acting, yet no one has mentioned that Michelle has a nice big ass.  I haven't even heard a comedian talk about it.  Where's the respect?

All I'm asking is that someone acknowledges the fact that besides being classy, our First Lady has a great ass.  I admit I might be a little jealous, but I still adore her (and no, I'm not gay, just observant).

The majority of California voted yes to Prop 8?  You know, it would be so easy to just label California as The Homophobic State in the same way some people called Pennsylvania a racist state and Alaska (now suddenly) a redneck state.  Or I could label it a celebrity-infested botox junkie state.  I mostly prefer just calling it the Idiot State because come on, you voted for Arnold Swarzenegger for your governor, an ex-body builder and washed-up action movie star.  Did you all do crack before going in the voting booth?

Oh, I just kid.  :)  But seriously, I'm over that.  I'm so sick of mean-spirited and hateful labels.  I feel bad for gays and lesbians in California.  What happens now?  Will married couples be forced to divorce?  I did see that people are hitting the streets in many cities to protest it and hopefully it will make a difference.  Right now, my heart goes out to them.

Keith Olbermann talked about this on his show tonight and I think he stated his point very well.  He didn't call Californians stupid homophobes or anything like that.  He made a plea for love and humanity for all people.  I was touched by what he said.  Here you can read the transcript and watch the Special Comment video.

This is a major pet peeve of mine about the political media.  Please stop with the rhetorical questions like "What will Obama do his first week of presidency?" or what will Obama do about this issue or that issue...I don't care if you're a Senior Political Analyst or whatever you call yourself.  If I wanted an opinion or guess, I'd just consult my Magic 8 Ball to get an answer.  I'll even do it now.  "Oh Great Magic 8 Ball, what will Obama do his first week of presidency?"  Wait, I'm shaking it now...Done.  It says:  Why Don't You Wait and See Instead of Asking Stupid Rhetorical Questions and Making Predictions?  Jeez, I can't believe my Magic 8 Eight Ball just got snippy with me!  I think it has a good point though.  You know what news reporters could do instead of discussing the issues, especially before there are any?  They could try reporting the news.  I know it's a little out there, but it's an idea.

If you want to see Barack Obama do a little stand-up comedy at the Alfred E. Smith charity dinner, you can check it out here: Part I and Part II.  It really is funny.  The quote I put up at the top of my blog was something he said during it.

Birds are singing...Food tastes better.

A new era begins.  I have never in my lifetime seen people cry tears of joy after a candidate won the presidency.  The best part of Obama's speech was when he told Republicans that even though he didn't get their vote, that he will listen to them and be their president too.  What a contrast to the last eight years when the message was if you're not with us, you're the enemy.

I'm also happy to have Michelle as our First Lady.  I've always been indifferent to Democrat first ladies and disliked Republican first ladies (Nancy Reagan, Barbara Bush).  I absolutely adore Michelle though.

Today is a good day. :)

I just back from casting my vote for Obama.

No problems here.  The line was only three people long when I got there, and I went at 5:30 PM.  I was in and out in five minutes.  In front of me was a young girl between 18 and 20 and behind me was a young man in his early 20's who said this was his first time voting.  Way to go to all young voters!  I'm proud of you.

Now we've planted ourselves on the sofa in front of the TV.  They're going over Kentucky and Indiana results right now.  I'm not going to sleep until I hear the words Obama Won.

On a side note, whoever stole our Obama/Biden lawn sign last night, I'm not mad as long as you displayed it somewhere prominently (like probably in your own yard), but still, if you wanted it that bad you could have just asked.  I would have let you have it as long as you're a Democrat.  However, if you are a Republican and I caught you I would have had you arrested for trespassing and theft, because that's how I roll.

I get the sensation of being Cindy McCain...

Sitting naked on a block of ice in the middle of the North Pole while hooked up to an IV that mainlines ice water into my veins.  Seriously, if she were anymore stiff and pale she'd be a walking corpse.

The New Yorker Magazine did an article about Cindy McCain called The Lonesome Trail.  Cindy has some interesting family values, although she calls herself "traditional."  She doesn't acknowledge her half-sisters.  Before marrying Cindy's mother, her father, Jim Hensley, was married and had a daughter named Kathleen.  He split from them, married Cindy's mother and Cindy was born.  When he died, he left his entire fortune to Cindy and $10,000 to Kathleen.

Cindy McCain regularly calls herself an only child. In fact, she has two half sisters: Kathleen Portalski and Dixie Burd, Marguerite’s daughter from a previous marriage. “I feel bad about having a father that wasn’t there, and then having my face rubbed in this—having her stand up and say she’s an only child—makes it even worse,” Kathleen Portalski told me. The video played before Cindy’s speech at the Republican Convention declared that Cindy Lou Hensley “got all the attention of her father. . . . They were truly best friends.”

Jim Hensley visited Kathleen on her birthday and on Christmas throughout her childhood, and took her shopping for school clothes. He escorted her down the aisle when she married Stanley Portalski, a wedding at which both Cindy and Marguerite were guests. He paid for the education of her son, Nicholas, and her daughter, Stephanie, who named one of her sons James Hensley, after her grandfather.

Kathleen Portalski visited her father almost every day in the months before his death. When he died, Cindy McCain inherited the Hensley empire; Kathleen Portalski and her family received ten thousand dollars. Stephanie Portalski found that a credit card her grandfather had given her had been cut off days after his death. “It makes absolutely no sense,” Kathleen Portalski said. “It makes me wonder what happened.”

When I asked Portalski if she had ever contacted her half sister, to discuss the situation, she began to cry and spoke angrily: “You think she’d give a flying fuck?” Portalski said that she has not spoken to Cindy McCain since their father’s funeral, at North Phoenix Baptist. Portalski sat in the front row as McCain gave a eulogy from the lectern, where she spoke of her father’s generosity and kindness and referred to herself as his only child.

Wow, that IS cold.  But, that's not all.  Cindy got hooked on prescription drugs too.  She started a charity called the American Voluntary Medical Team.  She hired Tom Gosinski as a staff member and he kept a journal when he noticed Cindy was behaving strangely.

"I do not know what Cindy is up to but it appears as though she is trying to use several doctors’ DEA #’s so that she can acquire drugs for personal use. . . . I certainly hope that Cindy does not get herself or AVMT in trouble."

"In December, Gosinski discovered a prescription for painkillers that had been made out in his name by the charity’s doctor, John M. Johnson. Cindy McCain had filled it at her neighborhood pharmacy."

Cindy didn't get addicted to prescription drugs the regular way like normal people do (unknowingly, by their trusted family doctors).  She used the charity's doctor to get painkillers and got herself hooked on Percocet and Vicodin, taking up to 10-15 pills per day.  That's the best thing about starting a charity.  An endless supply of free drugs AND everyone thinks you're a good, caring person.

It's a good article and the McCains have been involved in some scandals I never heard about.  Between Cindy and John, I don't know which has the more fucked up family.  It's strange that rich people always live up to their stereotypes too (cold-hearted and greedy).  Cindy also said, "I think the American people truly still want a traditional family in the White House."  I guess we all just have a different idea of what traditional means.

It's election eve.  Tomorrow is a new day and history will be made.

It's like being a little kid waiting for Christmas to come.

I've got my voter's card updated and in a safe place, my polling place is at the end of my street, and I have no unpaid parking tickets.  I'm set.  I live in one of the nicest middle-class suburban neighborhoods in Pittsburgh, which also happens to be predominantly black.  I'm going to make a prediction that there's a pretty good chance Obama wins in my district.  Oh, guess who else lives in my neighborhood?  Rick Santorum!  Yep, the nutcase who brought a dead baby home and made his kids snuggle with it while he took pictures.  I wonder which one of his kids will grow up to be the serial killer?  I don't think Santorum actually lives here, but he does work in Pittsburgh and has a house here.  I think he votes here too, so McCain might get at least one vote from my district.  Too bad I don't know which house Santorum owns because I might be tempted to pay some kids to toilet paper it on Halloween.  I'm kidding.  Just because I think it doesn't mean I'd actually do it.  Then again...well...who knows?

So the Republicans are calling Obama a Marxist and a Socialist.  They've informed us that he's acquainted with William Ayers, the former Weatherman and Anarchist.  They call him anti-American because he criticizes what's wrong with America and wants to change it.  And, they say he's an EXTREME Leftist.

Jeez, Republicans!  I'm already voting for the guy.  I don't need any more reasons.  But, after hearing all that, he's now my hero so high on a pedestal, I think he may be God, Jesus, Mary, Moses, Buddha, and that Hindu Goddess with six arms all rolled into one.  Damn, I feel so patriotic right now.  Thank you Republicans!

Proof that Obama is God

1. Beliefnet's God-O-Meter (what the fu...?) shows Obama at 9 and McCain at 8.  The only reason McCain is at 8 is because he's really Satan and using dark magic to up his number and confuse us (just like he did when he buried the dinosaur bones).

2. I saw Obama's face on my grilled cheese sandwich today.  This is no freak coincidence people.  It's a divine fucking miracle!  I wonder how much I could get for it on Ebay.

3. Lately, I've been asking myself, "What Would Obama Do?"  Like yesterday, after giving it much thought, I decided, no, I was not going to run hot water while Vinnie was in the shower like I usually do.  This was a tough decision, people, because it's funny to hear a guy do a high-pitched scream when that water goes ice cold. (I am joking here.  Honest.)

4. Not even Jesus drew crowds like this:

I Think Sarah Palin Likes Being Famous

I'm getting the feeling that Sarah Palin is more interested in being a celebrity than a politician.  She should consider a job at Fox News or maybe become a permanent cast member on Saturday Night Live.  Oh man, she is sooo funny when she's on there making fun of herself.

BUT, on the slim-to-none chance that McCain/Palin does win the election, I do expect my $150,000 Neiman Marcus shopping spree check, and I want it PRONTO.  I'm sure she would agree that all of us Jane Plumbers are entitled to one in exchange for having to put up with her for the next four years (yeah right, they'll win when pigs in lipstick fly).

Also, she wears way too much makeup and I hope she gets eaten by wolves.  The end.