Frustration: It Sucks
I promised never to write a post titled "I'm Bored", but I never said I wouldn't blog about feeling frustrated or sick.
I fell asleep at 10 PM last night just starting to feel a little sick, then I woke up at 3 AM and now I'm pretty sure I have the flu. Not the Avian Bird Flu or anything like that, just the regular kind. I told my husband I was feeling really sick, so what does he do? He starts talking about what strategies the Democrats can use to win the 2008 elections. Yeah, that really helped. I feel A LOT better now.
Regrets?
Lately, I've been thinking back to two years ago, before I got married and then moved to Virginia to start my new life. I was 35-years old, and (I hate to admit this) my main reason for getting married was because I thought I should be at that point in my life. I had more freedom then too. I'm not talking about dating freedom, because I'm actually happier when I'm in a relationship. But being single and having my own place was great. I made my own rules, I did whatever I wanted, I made decisions based on my own goals, and didn't have to worry about someone else's needs interfering with those decisions.
Now, almost two years after living in Virginia, I still feel like I'm living in a strange town. I haven't been able to make it my home. My freedom is limited. I have to rearrange my goals to fit my husband's goals. I know that's part of being married, but it's also the part that I can't seem to get used to, no matter how hard I try.
So now we may be moving to New York City...or Philadelphia...or Pittsburgh...or somewhere. I was planning to go back to college here in May, but now I have to wait to find out whether I'll be going here or enrolling somewhere else. I hate not having control over my future and having to wait on someone else's decisions and plans before I can make my own. The worst thing about it is there is no solution to this problem. At least none that I can think of that won't have serious negative consequences.
I'm listening to Our Lady Peace right now.
Superman's Dead
do you worry that you're not liked
how long till you break
you're happy cause you smile
but how much can you fake
an ordinary boy
an ordinary name
but ordinary's just not good enough today
alone I'm thinking
why is superman dead
is it in my head
we'll just laugh instead
you worry about the weather and
whether or not you should hate
are you worried about your faith
kneel down and obey
you're happy you're in love
you need someone to hate
an ordinary girl
an ordinary waist
but ordinary's just not good enough today
doesn't anybody ever know that the world's a subway...
