Defining Pennsylvania
Because what Pennsylvanians need most is a bunch of reporters coming here to tell us who we are.
Now that Pennsylvania is the new political "it" state, analysts and the media are trying to put us in a nutshell. Are we a racist state? Are we a blue collar state? Are we a redneck state? Are we moderate, conservative, liberal?
It pisses me off when reporters come here for a day, talk to a few people, and then generalize about the whole state based on those responses. I heard Bill Maher say, not once but twice, that [paraphrasing here] "Philly is to the East, Pittsburgh is to the West, and Alabama is in the middle." Where does Bill Maher live anyway? In California? Okay, I wish Pennsylvania was like California, because it's so real there. You know where everyone is so real they have fake tits and plastic noses, botox injections, and face lifts that squash up their faces so they look like aliens. Stop smoking pot before the show too, Bill, maybe it will help you from having to ask your guests, "What was my question again?" and they won't have to reply, "You didn't ask one yet."
To illustrate my point further, I present these photos:
Typical Pennsylvanians
Typical Californian
I think that's a fair assessment of everyone who lives in California.
Anyway, to make it easier, I'll explain Pennsylvania:
It's pretty much like every other state. There are racists and non-racists. There are blue-collars workers and white-collar workers. We are agricultural and industrial. We have rich, poor, and middle class. We have rednecks and progressives. We have ignorant people and educated people. We are moderate, conservative, and liberal. There are all types of religions and there are atheists. A lot of people own guns and a lot of people don't.
Other things about Pennsylvania:
It's a big hunting state and kind of like the state sport. There are lots of wooded areas in PA so deer hunting is very popular. It brings in tourism, and unless you're a girl, you can get a week off school just to go deer hunting if you bring a note from your parents.
Pennsylvania is a favorite place for bikers because Pennsylvania likes bikers. Cities and towns hold little events just for them, so it's common to see "Welcome bikers" on diner and motel signs. They also bring in tourism, are politically active, and hold charity events. Unlike what you see in movies, they tend to be very friendly and rarely cause trouble. They're mostly family-oriented, but they like to get together with other bikers once in awhile and drink beer, smoke pot, and I guess, talk about motorcycles.
Hershey has a nice amusement park and you can go there and eat lots of chocolate. Take the little 5-minute tour through the chocolate factory (you don't even have to walk, they have a little tram), because at the end of it, do you know what you get? Free candy bar! I wouldn't kid you about this.
Reading has an infamous strip club called Al's Diamond Cabaret, where every boy who turns 21 goes to celebrate his rite of passage into adulthood.
Lebanon makes the best bolognie too (I'm sorry but I can't bring myself to say bologna. I don't know why.)
Pittsburgh sucks. It's polluted and the natives are a little on the redneck side. People drink beer and like the Steelers. They have an Andy Warhol museum. And yeah...that's about it.
Philadelphia is a typical city. It has history, culture, shopping, and cheese steaks.
Pennsylvania has more roads than any other state. They also have the worst roads of any other state. You can witness this by driving on I-83S from Pennsylvania to Maryland. Wow, the road just got so smoooth! I still haven't uncovered the mystery of why there are Penn Dot employees working on every major highway in Pennsylvania (and always during rush hours), but the roads NEVER, EVER get fixed. This would have made a good X-Files episode.
Harrisburg is a cool city. I love Harrisburg. You should go there. I recommend getting a job with a non-profit agency because then you can walk around the state capitol all day and do nothing but drop off papers to the governor and other state officials. Word of Advice: If you're working for Drug-Free Pennsylvania, don't answer the phone by saying Drugs Free...Pennsylvania. Some people don't have a sense of humor. Despite the fact that I was let go, it was still one of the best jobs I ever had.
York is kinda run-down, but the band Live and actor Craig Sheffer (who starred in A River Runs Through it with Brad Pitt) came from York. Whatever happened to Craig and Live anyway? Oh well. York also once held the record for city with most obese people...in the whole country! I don't know if they still hold that record, but probably. York also has a large Hispanic population. And that pretty much sums it up for York.
Perry County is considered a redneck county and everyone around the area knows at least one Perry County redneck joke, but usually they know about 15-20 of them.
Pennsylvania has a lot of food festivals. Biglerville has an annual apple festival. Washington Boro has a tomato festival. There's a garlic festival in the Poconos Mountains somewhere. And so on and so on...
Lancaster County has a lot of farms and Amish people live there. It smells like manure in the summer, but it's also very scenic and pretty. Great food too.
Okay reporters, now you have a pretty good idea of Pennsylvania. I'm sure there's more but I haven't been to every town or city in PA to write about them. But you get the idea. It's just a typical state.
To make this post even more educational, here's a website City-Data.com where you can find out statistics about any city or town in the United States. I didn't use any of them for this post, but someone might find the link useful.
Update: June 25, 2008 - I need to clarify something in this post. When I talked about Pennsylvania being a typical state, I didn't intend for it to sound like I was saying all states are equal. They're not. Alabama is the most fucked-up state I have ever been to. I'm not kidding. Anyway, that was why I got mad when Bill Maher compared Pennsylvania to Alabama. We're not perfect, but for chrissakes, we're not THAT bad. Okay, I feel better now. :)
