A Learning Experience
When I lived in Virginia, I found out that a doctor of psychology who studied under Albert Ellis lived nearby.
Albert Ellis is the founder of Rational-Emotive Psychology, which is cognitive therapy. Before he came along, psychologists were still using the method of Freudian talk therapy, which doesn't really work. Ellis' goal was to find solid techniques that helped people and he realized that through changing your thought patterns, you could change yourself. Today, psychology has evolved further with behavioral techniques coupled with cognitive techniques.
I set up a meeting with Dr. Woods and met him at his office, which was more like a living room. Very comfy atmosphere with two sofas and a coffee table between us and a fire crackling in his fireplace. There were stacks of books everywhere and his cat snuggled up on the sofa beside me. He was very laidback and he smoked a pipe while we talked. It wasn't a therapist-patient discussion we had. It was more like a teacher-student discussion. I felt relaxed, I asked questions, and he was happy to explain things to me.
One of the things he said to me was to be serious about changing, but don't take yourself TOO seriously. He said to think of learning new skills as an opportunity, an adventure, and to have fun with it. Other things he told me were to be committed to changing, to be curious, ask questions, and most importantly, be self-accepting. What he meant by that is that while working on changing, there will be setbacks and mistakes, so cut myself some slack when it happens. He gave me a book that he wrote and self-published. It's not on Amazon.com, so I guess he just gives it to his clients/students. I started reading it again today, because I think I've forgotten much of what I've learned. I guess if you don't practice it daily, it's easy to slip back into old habits.
He asked me what I thought my biggest problem was, and I said that it was one of the things he already pointed out, and that was self-acceptance. That's always been a hard one for me, because I feel like there's so much I should change about myself that it's impossible just to accept myself the way I am. That led to talk about self-worth (NOT the same as self-esteem).
To go off subject for a moment, we've been talking a lot about Laws of the Universe. Self-worth is one of those laws because it just IS. It's not something that can be earned or taken away. It can't be increased or decreased. Everyone has it, whether they like it or not, or even know it. Until he pointed that out, I had never really thought about it. In fact, I thought the opposite--that you had to earn worthiness. In reality, some of the most confident and successful people have no concept of it. They're too busy trying to earn it in a never-ending quest.
Now back on subject again. Dr. Woods said that in order to have self-acceptance, you have to be aware of your own self-worth. So that was the first valuable lesson I learned from him.
But there's more to it. Once I became aware of my self-worth, I began to see it in others. I believe that everyone deserves to treated with dignity and respect because they have worth too. It also was a factor that led to my stance against the death penalty.
- Here's a great article from The New Yorker (my favorite magazine) about Albert Ellis. He has a great sense of humor and he isn't afraid to drop the "F" bomb once in awhile either! This is the same article, but it includes the letter Ellis wrote to The New Yorker correcting some errors in their article.
- My favorite quote ever is one by Albert Ellis: "All human beings are out of their fucking minds. Screwballs. Every single one of them."
