2006 Academy Awards Nominees: My Predictions
Like most American women and gay men, I watch the Oscars every year for two reasons.
(1) It's the fashion event of the season.
(2) I like to see the expressions on the faces of the losers the moment they find out they didn't win.
It's also that time of the year when I wonder, why the hell are they taking this shit so seriously?
To actors, winning the Oscar is the most important thing that could ever happen to them...period. Just listen to their acceptance speeches. People who win the Nobel Prize don't even get THAT excited. The astronauts who flew to the moon and took the first giant step for mankind didn't get THAT excited. But, actors believe they've accomplished something that far exceeds anything anyone else has ever done. It's their moment of truth, their glory, their spotlight...and ain't nobody gonna take that away from them!
Actors may be uneducated, beautiful, overpaid, and contribute almost nothing to society; but, like everyone else they need a purpose and they want to believe that their work makes a difference in the world. They also want us to understand how difficult it is to be an actor.
For one, they have the burden of sitting in their private trailers sipping champagne and thinking about the measly $10 million they're getting for doing this picture; while, hoping the stunt double who is performing the dangerous action scenes for less than $20,000 will finally get it RIGHT this time! After all, it's the actor who has to take the credit for those action scenes. On top of that, they have to do interviews, get plastic surgery, sign autographs, and pick out the right outfits for movie premieres. Obviously, they deserve an award for all that.
In reality, acting is a meaningless job almost anyone can do (except Paris Hilton, Madonna, and Cindy Crawford--but that could change if they took acting lessons). So winning an Oscar is a goal they all strive for and it takes their career to a whole new level. They make the transformation from entertainer to really good entertainer, and finally get the recognition that only a professional attention-whore can truly appreciate.
So here's a list of the nominees, who I think should win, and who is probably going to win:
Best Actor
- Philip Seymour Hoffman in Capote (he's okay, but won't win because they don't give Oscars to fat people)
- Terrence Howard in Hustle & Flow (the movie was so-so, but his portrayal of the sensitive, philosophical pimp with a dream was simply outstanding. Bravo, Terrence, Bravo!)
- Heath Ledger in Brokeback Mountain (For politically-correct reasons, he's most likely going to win)
- Joaquin Phoenix for Walk the Line (I won't mind if he wins because damn, he's hot!)
- David Strathairn of Good Night & Good Luck (who?)
My Pick: Terrence Howard (for Hustle & Flow)
Who Will Win: Heath Ledger (for Brokeback Mountain)
Best Actress
- Judi Dench in Mrs. Henderson Presents (never heard of her or the movie)
- Felicity Huffman in Transamerica (same as above)
- Keira Knightly in Pride & Prejudice (nah)
- Charlize Theron in North Country (she already won one, she doesn't need another)
- Reese Witherspoon in Walk the Line (please no...i still have nightmares after watching Legally Blonde and all the other romantic comedy chick flicks she's done)
My Pick: None of the above
Who Will Win: Don't care, as long as it's not Reese Witherspoon
Best Supporting Actor
- George Clooney in Syriana (I'd be okay with him winning)
- Matt Dillon in Crash (Why not? The guy's been acting since the 70's, it's about time he got a prize for it)
- Paul Giamatti in Cinderella Man (I liked him in American Splendor playing Harvey Pekar. Since he didn't get an Oscar for that movie, he should get this one as a retroactive award)
- Jake Gylenhaal in Brokeback Mountain (I really don't think he's that cute)
- William Hurt in A History of Violence (unfortunately, no one is rooting for him to win)
My Pick: Matt Dillon
Who Will Win: Jake Gylenhaal (for Brokeback Mountain)
Best Supporting Actress
- Amy Adams in Junebug (never heard of her or the movie)
- Catherine Keener in Capote (since this movie is on my NetFlix list, I think she deserves a shot at winning)
- Frances McDormand in North Country (sure, why not?)
- Rachel Weisz in The Constant Gardener (on my NetFlix list, deserves a shot)
- Michelle Williams in Brokeback Mountain (her name's Michelle so that's good enough for me)
My Pick: Rachel Weisz, because the movie sounds like it might be pretty good.
Who Will Win: Michelle Williams (for Brokeback Mountain)
Best Director
- Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain (he should win to get revenge toward all the other directors who shamelessly copy his style)
- Bennet Miller for Capote (never heard of him)
- Paul Haggis for Crash (Yes! Give that man an Oscar for having the balls to do this movie!)
- George Clooney for Good Night & Good Luck (he's cute)
- Steven Spielberg for Munich (no, because War of the Worlds sucked)
My Pick: Paul Haggis
Who Will Win: Ang Lee (for Brokeback Mountain)
Best Picture
- Brokeback Mountain (the obvious choice)
- Capote (whatever)
- Crash (YES)
- Good Night & Good Luck (eh...it's on my Netflix list)
- Munich (no)
My Pick: Crash, of course
Who Will Win: Brokeback Mountain, of course
I just noticed that Hustle & Flow's "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" by Three 6 Mafia was nominated for Best Song in a Movie. Oh my god, I hope that wins so bad. Please let that win! Only because it would be so funny to hear it being played in the background when the songwriters walk down to accept their award. I wonder why they didn't nominate "Whoop That Trick" too?
Here are the lyrics for "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp" and why there's no way in hell they're going to give it an Oscar:
[Chorus 2X: Shug - singing] + (Djay)
You know it's hard out here for a pimp (you ain't knowin)
When he tryin to get this money for the rent (you ain't knowin)
For the Cadillacs and gas money spent (you ain't knowin)
[1] Because a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain't knowin)
[2] Will have a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain't knowin)
[Djay]
In my eyes I done seen some crazy thangs in the streets
Gotta couple ho's workin on the changes for me
But I gotta keep my game tight like Kobe on game night
Like takin from a ho don't know no better, I know that ain't right
Done seen people killed, done seen people deal
Done seen people live in poverty with no meals
It's fucked up where I live, but that's just how it is
It might be new to you, but it's been like this for years
It's blood sweat and tears when it come down to this shit
I'm tryin to get rich 'fore I leave up out this bitch
I'm tryin to have thangs but it's hard fo' a pimp
But I'm prayin and I'm hopin to God I don't slip, yeah
[Chorus]
[Djay]
Man it seems like I'm duckin dodgin bullets everyday
Niggaz hatin on me cause I got, ho's on the tray
But I gotta stay paid, gotta stay above water
Couldn't keep up with my ho's, that's when shit got harder
North Memphis where I'm from, I'm 7th Street bound
Where niggaz all the time end up lost and never found
Man these girls think we prove thangs, leave a big head
They come hopin every night, they don't end up bein dead
Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too
You pay the right price and they'll both do you
That's the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin
Gotta have my hustle tight, makin change off these women, yeah
[Chorus]
Check out Yahoo's Academy Awards Site to pick your favorite nominees and compare with other people's fave picks.
The 78th Annual Academy Awards
March 5, 2006 at 8:00 PM EST.
Hosted by Jon Stewart
