You may have noticed I haven't updated my blog in a long time.

I think I was developing a bad case of information overload.  So, I stopped coming on the internet, except once a week to check my email.  I stopped watching TV, except for a few movies and The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, and Real Time with Bill Maher (because I couldn't go cold turkey).  I didn't answer the phone for a long time, but I hardly ever do that anyway.  My mom got worried because there's a glitch in my email and we were not receiving each other's mail, and she couldn't get ahold of me by phone.  So she hired a private investigator who came to my home to make sure I was still alive.  Nothing like a P.I. showing up at your door to break a little sabbatical (I realize that word isn't being used in the right context, but you get what I mean).

But, I just needed a break from it all.  So what I have been doing is reading a German textbook and trying to teach myself the language.  Plus, some chores and other hobbies I've been putting off for like...forever.  It was good to take a break from it for awhile.  I feel refreshed. :)  Although, a bit out of the loop.  But, I don't think it will take long to catch up on anything important I missed.

It feels good to be back though.  I missed everyone too, so I'm going to run down the blog list and see what you're all doing now.

I know this Christian guy who knows I'm an Atheist, yet he keeps sending me religious emails every week.

So today I got yet another email with a bunch of "clean Christian jokes" and decided to send some jokes back to him:

Dear [PainInTheAss], Thanks for the jokes.  Here are some you might enjoy too!

St Peter decides to take the day off to go fishing, so Jesus offers to keep an eye on the Pearly Gates. He is not sure what to do, so Peter tells him to find out a bit about people as they arrive in Heaven, and this will help him decide if he can let them in.

After a while, Jesus sees a little old man with white hair approaching who looks very, very familiar. He asks the old man to tell him about himself. The old man says, "I had a very sad life. I was a carpenter and had a son who I lost at a relatively young age, and although he was not my natural child, I loved him dearly."

Jesus welled up with emotion. He threw his arms around the old man and cried, "Daddy!"

The old man replied, "Pinocchio?"

Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump. I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it."

"Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Are you religious?"

He said, "Yes."

I said, "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"

"Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"

He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."

I said: "Die, heretic scum," and pushed him off.

I think that pretty much sums up my mood today.

I have been reading that Second Life and virtual worlds are the future of the internet.

This is what the focus of my article was going to be about.  I say "was" because I'm not sure I have a thesis anymore.  The more I try to wrap my head around the concept, the more elusive it becomes.

I have two Second Life friends.  I call them friends because everytime one of us signs on, we immediately look for each other and then go to the same area together.  I like it that a person from the U.S. (me), a guy from England (I'll call him Boris), and a lady from Germany (I'll call her Ellen) have so much in common and have clicked so easily.  I enjoy talking to them.

In real life, Boris is in his 40's, married for over 20 years and has kids.  He loves his wife and would never leave her.  But, in Second Life, the wife and kids don't exist.  He met Mary a few weeks ago on SL and now he's in love with her, but only on Second Life, not in real life.  Those two worlds are completely separate.  Yesterday, he bought some land and built a house on it.  Mary has her own house, but eventually she'll move in with him.  They also have decided to remain celibate for now because they take their SL relationship very seriously.  That means they won't be having cyber sex (by clicking on an animated sex sequence ball).

When I question them about this whole fantasy relationship, they talk as if I just don't get it.  That's because I don't get it.  They don't know the other's real first name.  They have never seen photos of each other.  Yet, they are in love and say their feelings are real--when they're on Second Life.  Yesterday, I discovered something new.  Jealousy.  Mary has no problem with Boris having a wife in real life (the wife doesn't even exist to her), but she does have a problem with Ellen and I talking to Boris and I'm getting the feeling she doesn't like us.

For awhile, I was talking regularly with a guy from Greece.  After two weeks, he told me he loved me.  Greek guy often told me that I was beautiful too.  But, he was talking about my avatar, not me (although my avatar does look hot).  But, the point is, he fell in love with my cartoon image.  He doesn't know my first name or what I look like.  We're from different countries and there's no chance we'd ever meet in real life.  I didn't talk to him as much after that, until he PM'd me and said he wanted to discuss our relationship.  I told him we are not a couple and then got the weird feeling that I was breaking up with him.  This weirded me out so much, I muted him and deleted him from my friends list.

My main reason for being on SL is to research and write about it, although I have been drawn into the fantasy aspect of it in some ways.  For instance, Ellen and I go shopping everytime we're on (but only for the free stuff).  In SL, I own about 1,000 clothes and accessories.  I change my avatar's hairstyle and color everyday.  It is fun and satisfying to be able to shop and wear clothes that I can't in real life (my avatar even owns a Gucci bag).

I also understand that SL can be a creative outlet for people who like to build things.  I read that real life architects go on Second Life and design houses.  Second Life is also nerd heaven.  Nerds can usually be found in "sandboxes"  or areas where you can build things.  I think they try to outdo each other in who can come up with the best creations (and if not the best, the strangest).  I also use the word Nerd in a good way because I find them endearing.  They're funny and weird, and I like talking to them on Second Life.

My husband chaperoned a school dance last week.  In one room was the dance.  In another room were was a video game called Dance Dance Revolution.  He said there were more kids waiting in line to play the video game then actually dancing.  On Second Life, there are dance clubs on almost every island.  Your avatar can even order drinks, hold them, and drink them.  Then you click on a dance ball and watch your avatar dance (mine is a good dancer too).  This is unbelievably boring and a waste of time, yet many people love to go to the dance clubs.  This is another thing I don't get.

I don't know what to do about my article.  Maybe I should scrap it.  I can't write about things I don't understand.  Yet, right now I have the urge to go on Second Life because, dammit, I want to understand it.  I keep hearing that I should get used to it because this is the future, and I don't think these people are just talking about the internet.

I'm putting up a new category called Second Life, because I have so much more to say about it.  Like I said many times before, what scares me also fascinates me.

My avatar is smoking hot. Here I'm dancing with some random guy (I think he was Dutch, but I don't know)

I went on to Second Life last night...

I was doing this thing called "Camping" which is a way to earn free money.  People who camp are the ones who don't want to buy fake money with real money, so we're kind of like virtual squatters.

There was a girl on who didn't speak much English but she indicated that she wanted to camp too.  No one there spoke Spanish though so we couldn't tell her how it works.  She started getting really frustrated and I could tell because she kept saying my name and shoving my avatar.  So I went to Babelfish and typed in "I will try to help," translated it to Spanish, copied and pasted it to her, and she understood.

I went back to Babelfish and typed in this long list of instructions, translated that, and copied and pasted it to her.  Then I waited for her to click the camping sign that said Join Group.  But instead, she said, "tape worm I not have."

Oh my god, did I just ask her if she had tapeworm?!  What the hell did I type into Babelfish that translated into that?  I went back to Babelfish and translated "I do not think you have tapeworm.  Sorry for my bad Spanish" (the last part actually was translated as "grieved for my badly Spanish," which I found out later after trying to recheck everything I was saying to this girl).  Then I pasted it to her and she said "si."

Si is one of three Spanish words I know along with gracias and uno, and I only know the last one because of the game.  I decided I'm going to learn to speak Spanish when I'm finished with my essay/article.  I'm still curious about how tapeworm got in there though, and went back to Babelfish and tried to figure it out.  No luck though.

Moral of the story: Don't use Babelfish again.

If not for her sake, do it for mine.

I was up writing last night and had the TV on the whole time.  I think it was on MSNBC, which I normally don't watch, but was too lazy to look for the remote control.  But, the features went something like this: Democrats, Britney Spears, Obama vs. Hillary, Britney Spears, Republican candidates, a short piece on Paris Hilton, then back to Hillary and Obama, and finally Britney Spears before I got up and turned the TV off.

I don't normally care what celebrities are doing, but I think Britney is about one step from going over the edge.  Why all this media obsession over one pop star?

I admit it.  I feel bad for the girl.  I can't imagine having the most intimate details of my life being discussed on TV every 10 minutes.  The paparazzi constantly hound her waiting for her to slip up.  Hell, they WANT her to slip up!  I saw the video where she was carrying her baby and she tripped and almost dropped him.  The press had a field day over this, but what no one mentioned is that when you watch the video, photographers are crowding around her so closely that it's probably the reason why she tripped (I wouldn't be surprised if someone stuck a foot out either).  I mean who doesn't want to see Britney drop her baby?  That's good entertainment there!  Plus, there's always a lucky individual who might make heaps of money from selling that photo or video.

So now she's the worst mother in the world, because in a moment of desperation to get away from obnoxious photographers, she made a stupid mistake and held her son in her lap while driving.  I think I heard something about K-Fed, the turd who left his pregnant girlfriend for Britney, getting custody of the kids because of it.  I don't have the details on that so I may be off a bit, but I don't really follow it that closely anyway.

I also read that she shaved her head after splitting with K-Fed.  What woman hasn't done something drastic to her hair after a breakup?  Seriously, name one woman who hasn't done something like that.  I've done it.  I don't know why, but after a bad relationship women have an uncontrollable urge to get their hair changed.  Everyone thought she was on drugs when she did that, and maybe she was, but shit, I'd be on drugs too if I were Britney.

I paid attention to the TV last night only long enough to find out she just got out of the hospital.  I don't know what kind of hospital.  All I know is that I don't need to know this information.

After continuously harassing and trashing her, what would the media do if Britney got tired of it all and took the final plunge?  They would have another fun-filled day of pretending to be sad that America's Pop Princess offed herself.  Then, they would spend the next two weeks analyzing how something so terrible could happen.  It's a sick fucking world and the media are happy campers.

It's also sad that Heath Ledger died.  I can only assume that Howard K. Stern had something to do with it, since it was a drug overdose and all.  I'll even sell that one to you, MSNBC, and all the rest of you subspecies.  You can just refer to me as your "unnamed source" after you fork over my money.